Objections and disagreements usually arise from failure to take into account someone’s needs, values, interests, or sense of “what’s needed here”. So translate their objections into “concerns” to bypass their adversarial energy. That helps all parties collaboratively address concerns so everyone feels heard and satisfied, generating wiser solutions and more buy-in.
All Concerns Addressed – going Deeper …
This is an edited version of the video on this page.
There are many different methods that tap needs or values or interests. Some additional material on this is covered in the “Grounding in Fundamental Needs” pattern.
But “concerns” have a fascinating relationship to all of these phenomena. The fact that someone has a concern means that – for them – there’s something potentially very wrong going on. That is why they have a “concern” – they are concerned about something happening that they don’t like. The energy of concern is not that something is absolutely wrong. Rather, it’s potentially wrong. It is something that rises up in them, a warning kind of energy. It rises up because of some violation of needs, values, interests, some violation of what’s needed here in regard to what the situation requires.
The life energy contained in a concern covers so much ground, so many things that you could detail out. You can of course clarify what everybody’s needs are ahead of time, or you can simply respond to their concerns as your conversation is going on.
When people have objections or disagreements, you recognize that as a response that has something important in it, something we need to consider in order to be more wise or to engage more people. The objection or disagreement is a pulling away. If I’m pulling away from you, then I’m saying what you’re doing is full of crap and I’m not going to go along with it. That splits up the group and breaks up the collective mind.